can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
