May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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