The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
