I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
