you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
