I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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