guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
