so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
