Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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