Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
