it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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