Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
