Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Be still, my beating vagina.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
