some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
