Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
