I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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