I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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