if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
