you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
