A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
