just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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