The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
