Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
