Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
