is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
