This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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