I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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