Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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