Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
