my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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