Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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