I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
