dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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