Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
