I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My bed smells like the plague
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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