Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I will be naked everywhere
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
