If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
