cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
