I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
