he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
