Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My vagina is very pro this idea
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
