take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
