i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
