Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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