Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
