**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
