Duck Duck Cougar?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
