My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
