I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
