FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
